Finding the New Me

Editor's Note: Please note that the Kimkins Diet has been proven to be a dangerous Very Low Calorie Diet. Please see my article HERE for further information regarding new developments about this program and my decision to step away.

I attended my first weight loss support group meeting when I was 10 years old. Not because I was made to go, but because I thought I needed it. You know those people who struggle their ENTIRE life with their weight? Hello... my name is Christin and I am a habitual "yo-yo dieter." Can I get an AMEN? When I was even as young as 8 or 9, I was very aware that my friends were all smaller than me. Now if you ask me... no child should have that hanging over their head all the time. All throughout my pre-teens and through even the teenage years I would look at others and compensate for my over indulgence by thinking "at least I'm not as big as this person or that person..." Looking back, I could have gone one of 3 ways. Either I was going to become anorexic, bulimic or I would become a comfort eater. Seeing as I LOVED food so much... there was no way I was giving it up totally... I thought, maybe I'll just eat what I like then throw it up. No can do... unfortunately my body has a visible reaction to hurling that put bulimia out of the picture too. That left me at comfort eating.

I would see a thinner person, get depressed, and grab a candy bar. Then get upset that I gave in to my compulsion and eat an extra piece of bread or a little bigger slice of cake. Cookies were good too. Whatever was within my sights that sounded good at the moment of compulsion or needed comfort I'd grab. That wasn't the worst of it though, I was ashamed of myself, so there were many times that I would hide to eat my indulgence. After all, with a very popular brother in basketball and a sister in gymnastics and both in great shape, how could I let on that I had a problem? As if hiding while stuffing my face would make the calories and fat somehow disappear. I guess I was under the delusion that my increasing size would not be enough of a give away.

I wish I could say that I wised up as I got older, but the compulsion just shifted gears. I was still a whole hearted comfort eater. But for some reason the hiding seemed to become a moot point. So I took my habits into the open, unabashedly displaying my gross enjoyment of the culinary arts. Somehow in the midst of all of this a wonderful man who could look past my addiction married me. YES! Now I don't even have to worry about attracting anyone! I'm set!!! Then something happened….

Somehow something inside of me started to feel that it was time to give up my old ways and turn over a new leaf. So I spent WAY TOO MUCH money on an all out weight-loss campaign. I lost a lot of weight and I felt great. I was happy with my new look, my husband was happy too. I got pregnant. Now I had an excuse to eat what I wanted to because of course the baby needed it! Then my life fell apart. Those of you who know me know the entire story which will take an entire separate blog to go into, but the important part of this particular one is that we ended up losing that baby.

Of course I was devastated. Although I had not gained all the weight back that I lost, I was already in the downward spiral of bad eating habits again. I had not made the mental transformation that I have discovered is vital to successful sustained weight-loss. So here I was again, on the destructive path to obesity once again. I got pregnant again not that much longer after the first one and this time everything was good to go. I actually gained 70 pounds that pregnancy. I was amazed at how fast it all adds up plus baby! At the end of the pregnancy I was at a new all time high. That's ok…. it'll all come off once I have the baby right? WRONG. I was totally baffled at after having an 8lb baby how could I only lose 5?

I thought I was happy. I had a husband and a baby and everything seemed to be good! 2 years later I had only lost about 20 lbs from the 70 that I had gained. And here I was pregnant again. I did better with this pregnancy though, only gained 30. But ummmm…. Wait a minute… that means NEW HIGH. After that baby I did lose about 20 again (that seems to be my post pregnancy number). Went on with my life… seemingly happy, but still secretly full of discontent and angst against those in my life who were so thin and attractive. I seemed to have a vision problem as well. Although I knew in my head I was overweight every time I looked in the mirror, I just didn't see it. I have heard of people having distorted realities regarding their weight. Like an anorexic person seeing fat on their body when there is none. I seemed to have the opposite fantasy.

Truth be told, I guess I was just scared. I was so deep in the way that I had lived my life, eating whatever and however I wanted that it terrified me to think of changing they way I viewed things. I have come to the realization though that true change begins in the mind. I wanted the body, and mentally I viewed myself as having the body. But, just like any addiction, you have to admit you have a problem before you can do anything about it. I had to say to myself "Christin, you are fat. You are severely overweight, and you must change your lifestyle if you want to be there for your husband and children long term." You will never achieve long term success if you do not change your ideas and mindset about nutrition and weight-loss. Yes, we all want to see quick results. That's what motivates us and keeps us going when things slow down or you are craving just that little piece of chocolate (my weakness). But I had to be willing to accept even slow results if that meant making a better tomorrow for me and my family.

Once I came to the understanding with myself that I had to accept whatever came in order to achieve the results that I wanted (a better, healthier body for me that I wasn't ashamed of, and a future with their mother for my children). I began to do my research on what diet program would be the best for me that wouldn't cost me an arm and a leg to get in on as well. I had LONG dreaded low carb diets. I LOVE bread, potatoes, starches… you name it, if it had carbs, I was all about it. But, in my new mindset I knew that sacrifices must be made. I also had to assure myself that the sacrifices that I would be making now would be worth it long term, because I wasn't saying farewell to those things permanently, just temporarily until I could learn to integrate them back into my life in a healthy manner.

I knew that low carb diets were the ones that had the quickest results (again with the quick thing I know, but for someone that is overweight, you need results fast right?). If you too are overweight, you know what I mean about results. I looked all over for what would be the best option for me. I really couldn't stand all the fat that was allowed with some low carb diets. My dad did that and although he lost weight, his cholesterol went through the roof and he put it right back on. I learned about myself that I needed structure and a "list" of what I can and can't eat. These other low-carb/calorie diets that are out there are way too open about all your options. For me, the more options, the more chances for me to over do it.

So here I was, I knew I needed Low Carb, Low Fat, and restricted so that I knew what was ok and what wasn't. Then I found it. After doing searches for those criteria, one name kept popping up over and over. Kimkins. I decided to take the plunge and give it a try. WOW. First month I lost 30 pounds…. Surely there must be something wrong here… is this even possible??? The next month I lost another 20! I am VERY HAPPY to say that after 4 months on the program I have lost 80 pounds!!!!!! I have even taken the next step in my new way of life and begun training to run in my first 5K ever! And, in January of next year my goal is to run in a half marathon!

So this is me. Learning to love the new me. Learning to make a better life for myself. Committing before myself, my family, and now the world to never allow food to take control of me again. Committing to set a good example for those who look up to me. Committing to give my children and husband a future. Committing to be happy, inside and out.


Hello, my name is Christin, and I am no longer a yo-yo dieter.

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